_____________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ ------04.07.96-----------------------------------------------------#041------ I'll Hit You Back! Issue #1 by IBFT/Syndicate Last thanksgiving, IBFT published a questionnaire and asked people to submit stories for a new group we claimed to be starting, called "IBFT/Syndicate". This was a total lie. We had planned all along to tear apart whatever bullshit applications were sent to us and try to humiliate the author, for the reading enjoyment of everyone smart enough not to apply. We scored big time. For some reason, a bunch of people wanted to see their names in tiny ascii lights, joining the ranks of the electronically published. They sent in the angst-ridden biography and dumb short stories and poems that you're about to read. Instead of dulling my razor-sharp wit on such soft, jelly-like pap, I'm just going to let the applications speak for themselves. They fall into 2 categories: Friends who sent in applications just for the fuck of it, and actual true-to-life morons who wanted to apply. E-mail addresses are left intact in the second case, so that you can start up an electronic friendship with these people and enter into a pathetic 90's cyber-relationship with them. --------------------------------------------------------------------- From: [sdkafhlkasjhl]@red-branch.MIT.EDU Subject: IBFT To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Sat, 26 Nov 1994 21:42:05 -0500 (EST) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] Content-Type: text Content-Length: 2786 IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? None.. I beat them up. (truly). I was known for being very calm, but after too much, I would basically blow up and insanely beat the hell out of them. Rules? fairness? I know no such thing. 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? Hmm.. depends I guess. I've been known to come up with some wierd persfectives on things. Mainly depends on my mood.. but I have been dubbed 'The pervert' by a few known comrades. 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). Whatever I can get my hands on buster. 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) I basically have root access to a few servers where I work, however the firewall prevents anyone from getting through. Which blows.. besides that.. i'm friends with the admin of the site, red-branch.. that I'm using now. I also have an account at Umass Amherst. The stupid bastards haven't disabled me even though I don't go there this semester. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? Well, basically she was a fucking two (or more) timing whore, who didn't give a shit about love, and basically fucked me and left me naked in her bed. Besides that, she wasn't worth my time and deserves her disease and pot clouded existence, lying to her friends and herself. I was raped. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Which one? 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I'm cool, and I want to be in damnit! *cry* 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [*] 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? I normally run with scissors, and see how many people I can run into. 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. There's lots of idiots out there in our world giving their twisted perspectives on things, so I guess I should be able to voice mine too. Oh, I also love the literal value which this publication can provide to my library. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From jlawson@lynx.dac.neu.edu Mon Nov 28 02:26:08 1994 From: "John A. Lawson III" Message-Id: <199411280725.CAA16116@lynx.dac.neu.edu> Subject: questionaire To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Mon, 28 Nov 1994 02:25:40 -0500 (EST) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Length: 4977 Status: RO IBFT questionaire 1. How many times were you bet up in high school? Do you wany total or daily figures? hell in high school even the nerds picked on me 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? Hey, If I got the time I'll make the time. That ok with you? 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc) well Mosaic, telnet, IRC, FTP, email....If I don't got it I'll get it :) 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have on your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push IBFT newsgroup) Well none really. I hope this doesn't mean I can't join.....If it does..give me a momment and I'll take this place over. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? Yeah, I was willing to give all my heart to melody but she threw me away like old rubbish....well anyway I'm glad she did leave now , I;ve heard she's totally screwed up...definite National EnQuirer material. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Who the fuck is Kennedy? if she's cute well then there's your answer. anyway now then I think of it is there anyone a kennedy hasn't fucked? 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I have that confusion that you claim to be the outlet for... Confusion and Anger BUILT UP FOR YEARRS .....aand ABOUT To EXPLODE! 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [] *ponders these questions* ok whatever....ok I'll go along with this...Yeah I forgot....I forgot and I put the diapers on myself...DAMN they were comfortable. 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? well not lately, but in high school about twice a week if not more,. 10 If there's anything else you want to say do it now. Oh no, You've created a monster with that invite oh well here it goes. My confusion started way back in second grade. I had recently fell in love for the first time going to class. And as the year progress I could think of nothing but Jennifer. Well one day in the playground she asked me to kiss her. I was so over whelmed that I started to laugh. I just want to slap that guy I was across the face now cause I never got my first real kiss...and have been at diffenrt levels of depresssion ever since then. During Junior High, High school and elementary I was the one that was picked on. The one who was always picked last ..the one who was picked on by bullies..etc.... And the one thing that got me because I was so skinny and weak and had other physical ailments and was shy i was thought to be gay. I later found out these ailments could have been caused by a slight case of MArfan's syndrome, which supposedly Abrham lincoln had. If you want to learn more about this ...read a Medical Book and leave me alone. And if You say the reason people say you are gay is because you are...SCREW YOU! And it got so intense that in the elevth grade I had to go into counselling for being suicidal....Jumping off a over pass into oncomoing traffic was my likely method. Luckily somone talked me out of it....or was it. Well ever since then I've been deathly afraid of asking any woman out or in matter of fact in trusting anyone for that matter....Thinking that a no would mean she belieives the lie. Well yearpast And I got into college and finnaly got another crush on this girl Melody...Hell I even changed my irc nick to harmony to go with her real name.... well after about a year or so I finnaly got the guts to try and ask her out...instead of saying no gently I was dumped real hard I had seen her often after that I never saw her ver much after that. I had been so scared of asking but desperated for companionship that I had turned to staring and other forms of harrasment looking fo a sign ... I've been talked to a dozen times at work and last weekend I lost my infinity mud charchter for harrasing this girl in real life , who I would later found out is a chracheter in the mud and lives with the Mud's administrator. I had been on that mud so long that losing my charchter put me in such a deep depression that I again felt like killing myself....hanging in a empty elevator shaft. well this time I found some people on irc and talked with them and sent out some email and got counseling that way. I had also been so desperate that I had turned to prostitutes...since If I had to pay for companionship so be it....And I'm not talking the cheap ugly street lady's either.. I'm talking the beautiful expensive escorts... I had gone to differnent girls so much that I'm currently in debt so deep I can't get out of it and not sure but possibly just short of going personally bankrupt. Well All I want to know is why is there only two kinds of women? Those who won't go out with ya. And Those who would.....but are going out with someone else at the time ARRRRRRRRRRGH! >From [aslkdfhlsdf]@netcom.com Wed Nov 30 19:14:40 1994 Date: Wed, 30 Nov 1994 16:15:10 -0800 (PST) From: [nobody you know] <[laskjdsdf]@netcom.com> Subject: Re: IBFT 23 To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu In-Reply-To: <199411261209.AA08414@amhux3.amherst.edu> Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: RO On Sat, 26 Nov 1994, Snarfblat wrote: > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. > > 1. How many times w